If you ever find yourself wondering why I don't post as much music anymore or why I get spurts where I'll post three songs and then disappear for a month; I figure I should explain the reasons.
I find myself dragging my conscience out of a deep depression these days. I had been struggling with it for multiple years and it was rational to finally try to force myself out of it. In that mind state, I did a whole lot of stupid things. Drugs, running away, pushing away people that loved me, self-harm, self abuse; the list goes long. Which is also a list of items that happened to get me sexually assaulted in mid July. Naturally, I think the event somewhat.... hindered my recovery, however slow it already was.
I've been putting constant effort. I've been attending therapy, doing my best to bring joy to people around me and finding what makes me happy in general. Making music has always been a way out for me which is why I always found it dumb to try to force creativity.
That brings me to the core here. Depression hinders you in ways some wouldn't believe. Everything becomes flat and grey and things you used to enjoy doing just... don't do it for you anymore. That's where I started slipping out of making music, losing the habit of being creative, losing the will to keep going. That hiatus was almost fatal to me and my passion for music.
Now I'm on the road to recovery and hopefully more music. Hopefully, this clarifies why I often disappear for long periods of time. Maybe some of you reading this (if any of you actually read this) didn't want a sob story. But for those of you who care, you know why.
It's always fun on here and I plan to keep going, despite what my brain tells me.
P.s.: yes, Fae is my actual name.